If you've left institutional church or institutional religion, you've no doubt lost friends in the process. Relationships are broken and we suffer the loss of those we thought were good friends simply because we left. This happens to varying degrees but it happens nonetheless. It's rare that it doesn't happen. People reach out to me all the time with a similar story: they left the institutional church and on their way out the door, their friends abandoned them. Friends that they thought they were secure in their relationship with, suddenly want little or nothing to do with them. And to add insult to injury, these former friends hear and believe untrue stories spread by the leaders about why they left and those untrue stories place a permanent brand or scar on the character or reputation of the one leaving.
But why? Why does this happen?
A Misguided Loyalty
For many within institutional religious systems or institutional Christianity, there is a misplaced loyalty. That misplaced loyalty is due in large part to two contributing factors. 1) The assumed validity of the structure of the system itself and 2) The assumed authority of those in charge within the system. Let's look first at the structure of the system.
The Assumed Validity of the Modern Church System
A Faulty System
A Cult Mentality
Why do our friends cut off ties with us when we leave the institutional setting? You're no longer of any value to them.
